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Snow White and the Seven Republican Dwarfs
Sizing Up the Field for 2012

-by Scott Rohter, October 2011

This is a story about Snow White and the seven Republican dwarfs, staring Michele Bachmann as Snow White, the conservative princess, with a star-studded cast of supporting actors in their respective roles as the seven Republican dwarfs.  There is Ron Paul staring as Goofy, John Huntsman as Dopey, Gary Johnson as Simply-Irrelevant, Herman Cain as Happy a.k.a. Smiley, Newt Gingrich as ‘Sleezy’ or the Ging-Grinch that tried to steal the nomination, and Rick Perry as Mr. Friendly, a really nice guy. He is the candidate with a heart, who reminds us all of the compassionate conservative George W. Bush! Finally there is Mitt Romney in his continuing role as Doc Flakey, or just plain old Mr. Wishy-Washy.

Ron Paul is perfect as Goofy because of his long standing position on legalizing recreational street drugs, and for some of his views on foreign policy matters, especially bringing all of our troops home immediately from all over the world wherever they are! We can't bring all of our troops home immediately because of the inviting opportunity it would provide for some other world power to assert its influence in our place!  Nature isn’t the only thing that abhors a vacuum! As far as legalizing street drugs goes, I guess that as a Libertarian Ron Paul would be just fine if half of the country was either smoking dope, shooting heroin, or snorting cocain! Then there is also his questionable opinion that we should stop sending foreign aid money abroad, even to our allies who are in danger, and his most recent comments that we should try to understand why the Iranians feel like they need to have a nuclear weapon.  It doesn’t matter why they want a nuclear weapon!  They shouldn’t be allowed to get one, period!  Maybe Ron Paul’s other name should just be Mr. Touchy-Feely!

John Huntsman is as good a Dopey as you can possibly get, to even think that a liberal like he is, even has the slightest chance of winning the Republican Primary! (No matter how much of his own money he spends!)

Gary Johnson, the former Libertarian Governor of New Mexico, does a very good rendition of Simply-Irrelevant, because even though he is well spoken and articulate, he really is Simply-Irrelevant! Why the heck is he wasting everybody’s time?

Herman Cain is excellent in his dual role as Happy, and Smiley, because he surprised everybody including himself, by actually winning the last two straw polls, one in Florida, and the other one in Illinois, and he is doing a lot better than anyone ever thought that he could do!  He also beat liver cancer recently, so he really is very happy!  He should win an Emmy for his performance in the Republican Primary, even if he doesn’t win the nomination! After the Primary is over, win, loose, or draw, Herman Cain can go back home to Georgia feeling very satisfied at what he has been able to accomplish as a complete political outsider. And he should do a little more work on his technique for answering questions from reporters, and on his rather less than subtle approach to saying whatever comes to his mind! He could use a little more polish! He should try to develop his personal diplomacy skills a little bit better, because as President of the United States, which has over 310 million people, most of whom are not and will never be rich, you just cannot say things like “If you’re not rich [you should] blame yourself.” And you certainly can’t ‘espress’ yourself with an accent from the 'hood' the way that he did! When President Obama does it, he is pandering to African Americans! When Herman Cain lapsed into 'street talkin’ the other day in his Wall Street Journal interview, he was addressing the entire country. I hope this isn’t a Howard Dean moment for Mr. Cain, but I think that Herman has a little ‘esplainen’ to do for himself! As the President of the United States, you simply cannot make the suggestion, or the implication that the less fortunate have something to feel guilty about! He shouldn't be suggesting that they should blame themselves for not having as much money as the next guy. Not only would that lead to unreasonable expectations, because everybody obviously can’t be rich, but there are always winners and losers in life! Sometimes it is just pure luck of the draw, and not anything to do with a lack of education, or a lack of personal motivation, or through any fault of their own. Sometimes there is just no one to blame, Herman! Besides, not everybody even wants to be rich in the first place! That was the rather stupid premise underlying Herman Cain’s remarks. Not everybody protesting outside of Wall Street wants to be rich either! Some just want to be able to provide for themselves and their families, and to be able to pay for their home mortgages, and their car loans! To say that if they are not rich, they should blame themselves, seems to me to be a little imperceptive, and insensitive, and smacks of being mean spirited!

Newt Gingrich is back again, and he stars as ‘Sleezy’. If you want to know why, all you have to do is take a look at his political record.  Over the past thirty years, he has supported so many things that are simply not conservative!  As the House minority Whip, Newt Gingrich helped Jimmy Carter create the Federal Department of Education in 1979.  The Contract with America was such a dismal failure at accomplishing anything of lasting value, because instead of pulling out the un-Constitutional weeds by their roots in the 1980s, it just mowed them back a little bit!  And we all know what happens after you mow the weeds.  Yet he continues to trumpet the alleged successes of the Contract with America.  Scott’s fact check says, not so Newt!  Then there is the matter of why he left office in disgrace in 1999!... Recently Newt has made some commercials with Nancy Pelosi, promoting Al Gore’s concept of global warming! He also has toured the country with Al Sharpton, and President Obama’s Secretary of Education, Arne Duncan, promoting President Obama’s duplicitous education policies, called ‘Race to the Top’, which supposedly calls for more local control of public schools, while at the same time handing out more Federal subsidies, and calling for increased Federal regulations from Washington.  Just how exactly does that work, ‘Sleezy’?  I mean Newt! This dwarf is also a perenial member of the Council on Foreign Relations! Please read my article Newt Worthy or Not for a thorough examination of Newt Gingrich’s political record.

Finally, there is Rick Perry in his major, new role as Mr. Friendly, because of his big, compassionate heart for all illegal aliens everywhere.  He wants to give them all a subsidized college education in Texas at the taxpayers’ expense, to the tune of about $22,000 per student per year!  He really is Mr. Nice Guy when it comes to illegal aliens, with your Texas tax dollars!  It is unclear to me whether this preferential treatment extends to other Latin-American countries, or just to Mexico, but he certainly doesn’t extend the same generosity to Americans in the other 49 states!  This $22,000 tax subsidy is only available to illegal aliens coming to Texas from Mexico!  However, Rick Perry might not remain Mr. Friendly for too much longer, if he keeps getting clobbered for his immigration policies, like he has been!

And last but not least, there is Mitt Romney, staring in his continuing role as Doc Flakey, or just plain old Mr. Wishy-Washy, because his positions on the issues have shifted so many times over the years, and they keep on shifting as often as they need to, in order to keep him up in the polls!  He is not, in my opinion, someone that I would entrust the future of my country to.  But he has raised more money than all of the other dwarfs combined. Go figure! Someone is sure banking on him! Nevertheless, he is not someone who fits the description of George Washington.  “The most enviable praise of all is just to be called an honest man.”  James Madison said, “Good conscience is the most valuable asset of all.”   Andrew Jackson, our 7th President wrote, “Good morals are superior to knowledge, skill, and talent combined.”  So I really don’t care how many jobs Mitt Romney claims that he has created in his life. If he can’t tell the truth, then it really doesn’t matter! 

Mitt Romney seems to follow the advice of Harry Truman, “If you can’t convince them with your logic, then just confuse them with you wit.”  And he ignores the very timely warning of Thomas Jefferson who said, “Ambition is a tricky little animal to tame, and very skillful at concealing itself from its master.”

Finally, I would like to conclude this article with one of my favorite quotes, from John Quincy Adams, America’s 6th President.  “I would much rather be found guilty of making a serious mistake in judgment, then to even be accused of being a little bit insincere.”

"The truth, the political truth, and nothing but the political truth. A journalist has no better friend than the truth." - Scott Rohter
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